I Fucking Hate Birds

I apologize in advance for the profanity in this post, but it simply happens when I'm talking about birds.

I fucking really hate birds. If there are any cats reading this, you know what I'm talking about and don't need to continue reading.

As with most things in life, however, there are exceptions.

Cool Birds: Food birds like chickens. Ravens because Edgar Allen Poe is awesome. Predators (Hawks, Eagles etc). Pokemon birds, namely Zapdos and Mythical Birds like the Phoenix.

Lame Birds: Every other bird.

Don't agree? Look at how fucking stupid this toucan looks and then tell me.

There are several reasons why I hate birds and I will share them with you here.

The first reason I hate birds is their annoying tendency to never shut the fuck up. Anyone who says birds have songs is a liar. I have heard songs. They sound a lot different than a bird's three-pitched repetitive whistling. If I was a mad scientist from a cartoon/comic book, I would invent an evil device to end all bird "chatter." It would be like Bee Movie, except really bad because nobody cares what birds have to say.

The second reason I hate birds is their inability to defecate anywhere convenient. Also, their shit timer is completely off. Example: A bird is on a tree and has to take a shit. You are enjoying a nice summer day and decide to wash your car. The bird's shit timer will tell it to hold the runny/chunky, purple/white shit until you are finished washing your car. That's not right at all.

The final reason I hate birds is their ability to fly and how often they use said ability. If I was a bird I would only fly when I absolutely had to. There is no need to rub it in my face that I have to pay x amount of dollars for a plane ticket to do what you do for free.

Well I hope everyone enjoyed this post (I have been told several times recently to update the blog). I sincerely hope you think of me the next time you are cleaning bird shit off of your freshly cleaned windshield or trying to concentrate and birds just won't shut their fucking ugly beaks.

Cary Grant

Want to be like Cary Grant? I know I do. (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000026/)

Besides being in a couple of Alfred Hitchcock's best movies, there is something magnetic about his presence that is hard to explain, but I will try my best (I'll do so in list form).

1. His Style: When you look that sharp in a full suit, there is no reason to wear anything else. The man also happens to have great hair (parted right to left I might add, which is the proper way to do things if you ask me).

2. His Walk: I don't know if all (3) of my readers have seen a Cary Grant film, but if you have you know what I'm talking about. His walk is tres nonchalant, without looking too relaxed or sloppy.

3. His Moves: Cary Grant is a huge ladies man. Don't believe me? Watch the movie "Houseboat" and see what I mean. In true pimp fashion, he holds her close on the dance floor, gazes deeply into her eyes and gives her a taste of what it's like to be the only woman in his world (without making the big move I might add). Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart . . .

4. His Voice: What a smooth talker. He has that quintessential old movie star voice. Rugged and deep without sounding like Michael Clarke Duncan. A perfect pitch and frequency for sweet talking the ladies while slow dancing.

Well, that is my update for tonight. I hope this inspires you to watch a Cary Grant film or perhaps more. Most likely, you won't be disappointed!

Diet Coke & Puzzles

I'm completely addicted to Diet Coke. If you are reading this, you most likely already knew that.

I'm also addicted to puzzles. Crossword, Sudoku, Jumble*, Word Search, Up & Down Words etc. You name it, I love the challenge. In fact, my normal weekday routine at work is to sit down at my laptop and complete the following puzzles respectively: Yahoo! Daily Crossword, USA Today Crossword, Word Round-Up, Up & Down Words, Quick Cross and Sudoku. At home, there are usually numerous Life Beat sections from the Projo floating around for me to work on at my leisure. I do these puzzles on commercial breaks during Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and between rounds of a few of my favorite online games, notably, Out of Order and Text Twist. I recently tweeted (@StrategicSalad) about Text Twist and its glory, comparing its addictive nature to that of the game Snood.

Ever wonder what good spending so much time on puzzles could do? I have. Besides committing to memory random seaports from around the globe, countless Latin phrases, the greek alphabet, synonyms for words that don't need them and Edna Ferber's name, puzzles help strengthen your brain. The rate of said strengthening appears to be fairly slow because I still cannot complete the Friday Crossword from a NY Times. Here is a quick little article for those interested, http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/news/20030618/alzheimers-mental-activity. For more info just google it, I don't feel like linking every fucking site that comes up. kthx.

Seeing as it is no 3:00 AM, I should probably try to fall asleep. Hopefully I will be inspired for a second entry before too long!

Thanks for reading!


*Doing the Jumble has become less of a challenge over the years, so now I usually try and solve it without unscrambling the words. Corny jokes are something I love, which makes the challenge fun. Don't believe me? Try it for yourself!

Blog Cabin

Welcome to my blog!

Hopefully I will stay with this, but I am not making any promises.

This blog will feature anything that comes to my mind, which I deem
blogworthy. It will also feature so-called "Truth Bombs."

Thanks for reading, enjoy!