I Fucking Hate Birds

I apologize in advance for the profanity in this post, but it simply happens when I'm talking about birds.

I fucking really hate birds. If there are any cats reading this, you know what I'm talking about and don't need to continue reading.

As with most things in life, however, there are exceptions.

Cool Birds: Food birds like chickens. Ravens because Edgar Allen Poe is awesome. Predators (Hawks, Eagles etc). Pokemon birds, namely Zapdos and Mythical Birds like the Phoenix.

Lame Birds: Every other bird.

Don't agree? Look at how fucking stupid this toucan looks and then tell me.

There are several reasons why I hate birds and I will share them with you here.

The first reason I hate birds is their annoying tendency to never shut the fuck up. Anyone who says birds have songs is a liar. I have heard songs. They sound a lot different than a bird's three-pitched repetitive whistling. If I was a mad scientist from a cartoon/comic book, I would invent an evil device to end all bird "chatter." It would be like Bee Movie, except really bad because nobody cares what birds have to say.

The second reason I hate birds is their inability to defecate anywhere convenient. Also, their shit timer is completely off. Example: A bird is on a tree and has to take a shit. You are enjoying a nice summer day and decide to wash your car. The bird's shit timer will tell it to hold the runny/chunky, purple/white shit until you are finished washing your car. That's not right at all.

The final reason I hate birds is their ability to fly and how often they use said ability. If I was a bird I would only fly when I absolutely had to. There is no need to rub it in my face that I have to pay x amount of dollars for a plane ticket to do what you do for free.

Well I hope everyone enjoyed this post (I have been told several times recently to update the blog). I sincerely hope you think of me the next time you are cleaning bird shit off of your freshly cleaned windshield or trying to concentrate and birds just won't shut their fucking ugly beaks.