Sunday, July 31, 2011

Mystic Aquarium

Recently, I have been spending my days selling lemonade at Mystic Aquarium. I have memories from childhood of this place, but it seems so different now. So much smaller and less fascinating. It is strange how age takes away the wonder of everything. Anywhosit, let me now rant about stupid people.
People just piss me off. They just assume they know everything there is to know. Example: Person walks up to a frozen lemonade cart asking about the product. Clearly, they have never had a Del's. When I place the Dels in front of them, they start looking over and around the cart for spoons and or straws. It is so obvious to them that I am incompetent and forgot to give them a utensil. Maybe stop and realize the person serving the product would offer you a utensil if it was proper. Also, I do not run the aquarium, which has a no straw policy. Please don't make me out to be the bad guy because of this policy that I didn't even make! I have to repeat this so frequently Im considering going full on Home Alone and just recording the response to play back for these aspiring detectives. Also, douches, do NOT offer your kids something I don't have just because you assume I have it, Or feel I should have it! Im not even a parent and I know it is a bad idea! Then you get mad at me even though its completely your fault! Someone please tell me where society went so wrong!

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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

6 Things

that make me happy. For Beth @

1. Guitar. Mine include: Ovation Strat Ibanez and my newest baby the G & L

2. My camera. Looking forward to the autumn in New England, which never disappoints for amazing shots.

3. Sushi. Years ago I would never have thought about eating this stuff, but have come to love it over the past couple years. Favorite sushi includes: Seven Moons TJ Blue Ribbon Sushi.

4. Mew's Tavern. 69 Beers on tap and delicious food, what more could a young man want?? Also, they make my favorite chili ever . . . sorry Aubergine : /

5. Science Fiction. Robots/Space Travel/nuclear home appliances/aliens . . . enough said. Essential reading is anything by Isaac Asimov
Watch: Star Trek/Star Wars/The Outer Limits (TV)/X-Files/Starship Troopers/Blade Runner etc etc etc

6. Crossword Puzzles. I know I talk about them more often than not, but there is no feeling more satisfying than finishing one : )

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Son of the Beach

I don't know if any of you remember this show, but it was and remains one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Basically, the show was a spoof on Baywatch. The stories were centered around Shore Patrol Force 30 (SPF 30 for short - already qualifies as awesome). SPF 30 was lead by Notch (short for Notchibald!) Johnson, an old, dim-witted life guard. Throw in a well endowed blonde, a sexy ethnic chic (PCness??), a not so well endowed blonde and an Arnold Schwarzenegger parody and you have a winning combo. Could you expect anything less from a show backed by Howard Stern?? Not to mention cameos by Alan Thicke, David Arquette, Mark Hamill and many others (incl. John Salley!).

If you find sexual innuendo and general adbsurdity funny, you would love this show.

AND holy shit! I was looking up a youtube link to put at the end here and found this awesome commercial for 1-800-COLLECT that I had forgotten about. Featuring Mr. Rommell from Son of the Beach!

The only clip I could find on youtube was an outtake reel, but it should give you a great idea about how ridiculously awesome this fucking show was/is!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Emily Dickinson

Above is a picture of Emily Dickinson. I thought I would continue on the poetry thread and share a poem of her's that I absolutely love. The poem is called "Dying"


I heard a fly buzz when I died;
The stillness round my form
Was like the stillness in the air
Between the heaves of storm.

The eyes beside had wrung them dry,
And breaths were gathering sure
For that last onset, when the king
Be witnessed in his power.

I willed my keepsakes, signed away
What portion of me I
Could make assignable,-and then
There interposed a fly,

With blue, uncertain, stumbling buzz,
Between the light and me;
And then the windows failed, and then
I could not see to see.

The last stanza really is great : ) It is very interesting how she chooses to focus solely on this fly and its movements with her last conscious thoughts.

What are some of your favorite poems?!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


My sister just posted an entry on Story Webs, which reminded me of writing poetry. SO, I decided to share a brief poem with you. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out what it's about!

Wood and metal
a pen of sound singing
the words of my heart

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Shit Happens . . . And Sometimes Its Weird. . .

Everybody knows that shit happens right? What nobody told you, is that sometimes it can get strange.

This post will introduce you to a few weird things I have seen in my life.

Exhibit A: Old man kisses Charles Barkley on the lips.

In this video, Charles Barkley is racing against some dinosaur referee of the NBA for charity. Notice how Barkley makes it close, tempting the old man to dive on the floor (not shown is the bleeding gash he gets on his knee). If you have more time on your hands, watch the live version (not the ESPN coverage) to get the full awkward feeling when they smooch.

Exhibit B: Joe Namath gets hammered and decided its okay to be on TV.

In this video, Joe Namath gets interviewed on Monday Night Football. . . drunk. Notice the weird cadence he puts on his words (which aren't exactly rolling off his tongue with ease). Also enjoy him hitting on Suzy Kolber in the middle of the interview. At least he said I couldn't care less rather that I could care less like most people do.

Exhibit C: Wolf Blitzer misspeaks during live coverage of Hurricane Katrina . . . or does he?

In this video, you will see a clip taken from CNN's live coverage during the Hurricane Katrina disaster. You will hear Wolf Blitzer speak, and then you will be amazed.

Exhibit D: Kanye West makes Mike Myers shit his Huggies . . .

PRICELESS. I can only imagine the producers in the booth screaming to cut to Chris Tucker hahahaha

Exhibit E: Steve O is hammered/on who knows what?

This one is truly weird because it walks the line between funny and depressing.

Exhibit F: Vanilla Ice freaks the fuck out. . .

Doing this weird show where they retire old music videos, Vanilla Ice takes out years of bottled up rage out on his "Ice Ice Baby" video. In the process, he scares the shit out of some comedians. . . not the worst thing that ever happened, but hilarious/weird nonetheless. What did Gerardo do to deserve being bludgeoned in effigy??

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I've enjoyed writing it!

Until next time . . .

Saturday, May 23, 2009

I Fucking Hate Birds

I apologize in advance for the profanity in this post, but it simply happens when I'm talking about birds.

I fucking really hate birds. If there are any cats reading this, you know what I'm talking about and don't need to continue reading.

As with most things in life, however, there are exceptions.

Cool Birds: Food birds like chickens. Ravens because Edgar Allen Poe is awesome. Predators (Hawks, Eagles etc). Pokemon birds, namely Zapdos and Mythical Birds like the Phoenix.

Lame Birds: Every other bird.

Don't agree? Look at how fucking stupid this toucan looks and then tell me.

There are several reasons why I hate birds and I will share them with you here.

The first reason I hate birds is their annoying tendency to never shut the fuck up. Anyone who says birds have songs is a liar. I have heard songs. They sound a lot different than a bird's three-pitched repetitive whistling. If I was a mad scientist from a cartoon/comic book, I would invent an evil device to end all bird "chatter." It would be like Bee Movie, except really bad because nobody cares what birds have to say.

The second reason I hate birds is their inability to defecate anywhere convenient. Also, their shit timer is completely off. Example: A bird is on a tree and has to take a shit. You are enjoying a nice summer day and decide to wash your car. The bird's shit timer will tell it to hold the runny/chunky, purple/white shit until you are finished washing your car. That's not right at all.

The final reason I hate birds is their ability to fly and how often they use said ability. If I was a bird I would only fly when I absolutely had to. There is no need to rub it in my face that I have to pay x amount of dollars for a plane ticket to do what you do for free.

Well I hope everyone enjoyed this post (I have been told several times recently to update the blog). I sincerely hope you think of me the next time you are cleaning bird shit off of your freshly cleaned windshield or trying to concentrate and birds just won't shut their fucking ugly beaks.